Me and God...

I'm sure as a daughter I've at some point in my life disappointed my parents, after all I did survive the teenage years, right? They still love me though and I love them too, so much. And I know as a child of God I've have disappointed him too. But he still loves me and I love him. The only difference is I'm mad. I say all the right things, and even try and do the right things. But it's like I don't really believe it. I guess you could say my faith is weak. I know the Lord said he would never put more on us than we can bare, but its so hard to watch your baby fight cancer once and then again. I wonder what I ever did, to make him mad at me. I've always tried to live for him and praise him (maybe not in my teenage years), my Nanny said it happens to the best people. The people that live for him and love him. I know their are different kinds of people in the world, people that abandon their sweet kids, or just don't care about them, the people on drugs, and the people who are lost without God. I try and find the big picture but I cant see it and never will. I don't have the peace about Sarah that I once had. I'm afraid to believe, I'm afraid to believe that she is going to be OK. Sometimes I feel like I'm on borrowed time, I guess we all are. But this is our normal, and I realized the other day after talking with someone down here, that compared to some kids Sarah has it made. That's saying a lot. I just want to be able to believe in God again. I want to feel his arms around me and know he's there. I do love him, but it's hard to pray too. There fore hard to ask forgiveness for being mad at him. I'm awful!! Or just feel that way...pray for me!! If you have encouraging words for me, do tell!