The unexplainable...

I was just in the family room here on Aflac and was talking to a lady, I really had to pay attention to what she was saying, because she had an accent. Then a feeling of da ja vu came over me, and I'm thinking wait a minute I've had this conversation before, with the same lady, same talk, and about the same thing. You may know how to explain it but I don't. And yes it was the first time I had ever met her!!  I also don't know how to explain to my 11yr old Sarah, that sometimes just because we already been through cancer once we have to do it again. When she is here begging to go home and crying saying "I can't take it anymore, please I want to go home." That's when I can't take it either. Because I turned down learning to be a nurse in 1 hour, knowing even I did It for Sarah's own good. Anyway the doctor had a talk with her yesterday about not wanting to take her medicine, because of stubbornness, (which I feel is misplaced, she needs to use it in other places like for her fight) he didn't say that, I did. However if she wants control over this situation any, then she has to take her meds, so that she want have a tube in her nose and the doctor putting it in for her. She can control that! Only God is in control and while I don't understand and wont ever...the strong will survive, we are God's children and when Sarah is grown she will have a great testimony for him. I sometimes say all the right things and I question myself and God, I'm only human though. It's just so hard to lean on him when I'm mad. One day I'm gonna tell you how I really feel, maybe If I tell all I can sort through my feelings and feel closer to God again. I want to feel him by my side. I know he is there, I want to feel him with his arms around me, and his sweet peace!....Once again..I got off track....